About to go in for delivery...

>> Wednesday, June 17, 2009

It's 6:00am and I am in Stef's room as she sleeps. The ride up here was uneventful which was an added bonus. Thoughts of a flat tire, pulled over by the police for speeding, an accident can be laid to rest although those thoughts kept me up a little last night.

It was a long night and I woke up a number of times before the alarm clock finally went off around 4:30. I never asked other CDH dads about this day and what they went through. Not because I didn't want to know, but because I knew they wouldn't be able to clearly articulate what they went through just as I struggle to do that now. It's honestly terrifying. I'm not mad and angry anymore. I don't argue with God about it anymore and I don't wonder why we have been thrown so many curve balls over the past few years. I have found some kind of peace and acceptance with all of that. I just worry about my wife and child and what is ahead of them. You can't help but think about what your child is about to go through to live. I remember saying just after we found out we were pregnant how we just want healthy babies. I think we all say that, but take for granted most newborns are healthy and don't really worry about it really. I wish for that more than I ever thought I would. It's similar to how we, as parents, know deep down that we would trade places with our children in tough circumstances. I feel that with such sincerity right now it is indescribable. I wish with all my heart it was me fighting for my life and I could spare Kamryn this experience. I know I can't, but the desire is truly overwhelming.

I wish you all could see just how beautiful and peaceful Stef is right now sleeping. She has been unbelievable through this journey. She has managed the pain, discomfort, and stress so well. She's made it to 37 weeks with over 13 pounds of baby in her. I couldn't be more proud of her and her strength. She is just an amazing woman.

It's just about time to get on with the show as they are getting ready to take us down for prep. I truly can't thank all of you enough for the support, encouragement, and guidance through this journey. We are truly blessed.

We are as ready as we will ever be and expect to win. I look forward to the next post as a proud father of twins.

Shawn

9 comments:

The Curtis' June 17, 2009 at 7:09 AM  
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The Curtis' June 17, 2009 at 7:12 AM  

Good luck today! I hope the delivery goes well and Kamryn is quickly stabilized. You're in my thoughts!

Anonymous June 17, 2009 at 7:19 AM  

I am anxiously awaiting the news about the birth of your girls. I pray for strength and peace for your entire family. Kamryn and Brooke will fight together and together they will grow strong and healthy. Kamryn, you can beat this I feel it in my heart.

Best wishes today and every day.

Hang in there daddy. Your wife and children need you to be their rock today.

Christina Jones June 17, 2009 at 7:56 AM  

Yall are in my prayers this morning !!

Michelle June 17, 2009 at 8:34 AM  

I am spreading the word for prayers. God is good and I know all will be well. Keep the faith and let us know if you need anything at all. I cannot wait to see these precious little babies!

Michelle C

Maxton's Mommy June 17, 2009 at 8:55 AM  

Shawn, Stephanie, Hollie, Kamryn, and Brooke- My prayers are with you guys!!! I have tears in my eyes reading this. I remember how it was the day Max was born. I was just ready for them to here and to "get on with it". I was completely TERRIFIED at the same time. Cherish every moment of everything. Take so many pictures your fingers hurt from clicking the camera. :-) I love you guys soooo much and will be "blog stalking" you like crazy!!! GO KAMRYN!!!!

Ash

Tracy Meats June 17, 2009 at 9:10 AM  

You all are in my prayers!!! Fight Kamryn Fight!!

Much love, Tracy

Sue mom to Emily LCDH 1-22-08 June 17, 2009 at 9:33 AM  

You are a great dad. I think all parents of a sick child want to take their place, I know I pleeded with God to let me be sick not my baby with CDH. Your love and commitment to Kamryn will help her fight this as well give strength to the rest of your family.
My prayers are with you today and everyday. I will be awaiting good news about both your girls.

cp:Emilyishere

Kenny and Jennifer Miller June 17, 2009 at 11:41 AM  

I'm praying for you guys today!!

Jen

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