Just my thouhgts.

>> Sunday, June 28, 2009

Hi everyone, it's Stephanie. What a rollercoaster we have been through, and the girls are only 11 days old. Shawn has done an amazing job of keeping y'all updated. He's also been amazing with helping me at home with Brooke and Hollie. He's a fabulous Daddy and I'm so proud that he's my husband.

Yesterday, I took a break from going to see Kamryn. It was the longest day of my life. I tried to stay busy with Brooke while Hollie was at the water park, and Shawn was at the hospital. I took Brooke to the grocery store with me, and she did so great. It was fun to watch people ooh and aah over her. I just wanted to scream out to everyone, HER TWIN IS IN THE NICU AND SHE WILL BE COMING HOME TO BE WITH US!!!! All I do all day long is look at Brooke and wonder if she feels the same void that we feel by not having Kamryn here at home with us.

Like Shawn said, going up to the hospital and watching her look into your eyes, as if she's pleading for your help, is so difficult. Although, I told Shawn last night, maybe she's looking at us and saying, "I'm fighting hard, just like you told me to". Seeing Shawn post yesterday, I could tell he was hurting. I went over to him and asked if he was okay and that was the first time I'd seen him break down and cry. We just held each other and cried. We both feel so helpless. And then of course, Brooke started fussing... This emotional rollercoaster seems to get harder and harder, and I truly expected it to get easier and easier for some strange reason. I guess the more she comes off of her meds, the more she looks and acts like Brooke.

It amazes me that we have Brooke on a schedule already, and she's such a great baby. She's so easy to care for, and she only wakes up 1-2 times at night. But, I have to wonder, would Kamryn be the same way? Would she sleep right along with her sister? Would she wake up when Brooke wakes up? Would she cry, when Brooke cries? I wonder what it WILL be like having two infants to take care of here at the house. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to that stress and hard work. I long for it. I just feel like I'm getting farther and farther away from that. Yesterday was the first time I truly wondered if she was coming home or not... But, we called late last night and she had 2 really good gases, and we are taking some of my breast milk up there today for her to munch on. I'm so anxious to see how she does with it.

That's all for me for now. Hollie's going swimming with a friend today, while Shawn and I go up to the hospital to visit Kamryn. I can't wait to see her and hold her hand again. We'll take some more pictures and post them tonight.

Love,
Stephanie

9 comments:

Irvin family June 28, 2009 at 1:33 PM  

I just wanted to let you guys know that we are thinking about you all and especially Kamryn. Oakley also
stalled on progress for a few days
It seemed like a life time before she finally came off of the respirator.She never actually went back wards she just stalled for a few days.
We are glad to hear that Brooke is also doing well I know that you will be glad when you have your whole family home together.

With Love and Prayers
The Irvin Family

Tracy Meats June 28, 2009 at 1:44 PM  

(((HUGS))) Stephanie. So happy for you that Brooke is such a good baby and I am sure Kamryn will share some of that wonderful personality. Continue to believe you WILL be bringing your princess HOME...we are cheering her on and praying for her to continue to make progress. Hope she has no problems with the feeds and loves the milk! Have a good day Kamryn and show your mom and dad what a warrior you are.

Many prayers,
Tracy

Maxton's Mommy June 28, 2009 at 2:14 PM  

HEy Studdard family- you guys are always in my thoughts! I know how stressful things can be and the uncertainty of it all can be nervewracking.. not to mention the wait, but I KNOW that it will all be worth it when you bring that sweet little girl home!!! :-) I think Kamryn is trying to remind everyone that she is the one in charge and that she is fighting just like we knew she would. :-)

Much love and many prayers
Ash

Liz and Shane June 28, 2009 at 3:03 PM  

Stephanie you are in my thoughts daily. I have been so busy with family visiting and I make time to look to see how your little ones are doing. I am so glad Brooke is doing well. I remember those thoughts that you are having about Kamryn. Remain positive and give Kamryn little pep talks. She is lietening. I am praying for your little warrior princess.
Hugs,
Liz

Elizabeth June 28, 2009 at 3:05 PM  

Just to give you all perspective, this is major surgery she had. She was born into the cold world and her sister isn't beside her sharing her bed any more. So, Kamryn has every right to be upset.

Now, as parents we sometimes have to be the bad guys, giving them awful medicine or taking them to get shots or making them eat their veggies (or sneeking them in food). Oh - and saying No when they want the car.

This is different - true - but you guys are doing a wonderful job. Don't apologize to "us" out here - just keep doing what you are doing.

And FYI Dad - you did exactly what you should have done - Kamryn does need a rest and no more jerking with for a day or so. These CDH babies are "touchy" they are also very determined too. I have high hopes!

Sending you all thoughts, prayers and Lung Function chants for Kamyrn!
Elizabeth

Candice and Rob Beal June 28, 2009 at 5:09 PM  

HEY GUYS!
IT JUST BROKE MY HEART TO READ YALLS LAST 2 POST. I AM PRAYING FOR YALL. I TRY TO THINK I'M FIXING TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE SAME THING. I KNOW THAT I HAVE NO CLUE HOW HARD IT'S GOING TO BE BUT I JUST KEEP PRAYING.......I HOPE THE FEEDING GOES REALLY WELL...CAN'T WAIT TO SEE PICS...OF BROOKE TOO!

LOTS OF LOVE CANDICE

Mom to Gabe and Ayla June 28, 2009 at 6:17 PM  

Just wanted to let you know I am praying for Kamryn and your family!

Chanda D Brady June 28, 2009 at 9:05 PM  

I've been catching up on your blog and am amazed on how much I've missed in over a week. Your girls are beautiful!!!! I meant to post before and was simply having a time with my computer....anywho, your entire family is in my thoughts and prayers. It's so hard to find the right words and just through my own experience, I figure the best I can do is let you know that your family is prayed for and thought of often.

Carissa June 29, 2009 at 4:05 PM  

Just wanted you guys to know I appreciate your comments and I am keeping a close eye on your ladies! It's so nice to have CDH families to lean on. Just keep breathing...

Carissa

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