Venting - CDH with one of the twins

After having a really good week... Feeling good, hopeful, positive, etc... I woke up this morning (earlier than I wanted) and the first thing I thought about was Kamryn. Not that I don't think about them when I wake up and when I go to bed every day, but these thoughts were REALLY hard to think about. First of all, let me say that since we started this new blog, we have received love and support from not only friends and family, but from strangers who have been through this exact same thing. I can't even begin to describe how touched we are to hear everyone's stories, and how they dealt with certain situations. It truly helps us not only prepare for her birth with cdh, but also to prepare questions for the doctors that we're about to meet. I think my biggest stressor right now is thinking about both girls. I'm going to have one healthy newborn at home, and one in the NICU. How in the world am I going to manage that??? Then, that started the snowball effect of the "OMG's". I realized this morning that Brooke and Kamryn will not get to lay side by side each other until months after they are born, if they even get to lie beside each other at all. I realized they won't be able to touch each other, hear each other, look at each other, etc. When people come to visit me in the hospital, I'm supposed to have two babies in my arms, but I'll only have one. It kills me that everyone will be taking pictures of just Brooke, and not Kamryn, because bless her heart, she's going to be fighting for her life with tubes, needles and God knows what else going in and out of her. When will I get to hold her? When will she get to hear my voice??? I know that Shawn will be my hero, yet again, by going to the NICU with her and being with her as much as possible, when I can't. But, it's not supposed to be like that. It's supposed to be all of us in ONE room, oohing and aahing over the girls, and how they look alike, and how they don't. Which one of them looks more like us. Which one looks more like Hollie did when she was a newborn. I know that God's strength and love will get me through this, but right now, I feel pretty helpless.

Onto better thoughts... Last night, Shawn and Hollie went to their first Daddy/Daughter dance. Hollie got a brand new dress, and looked like a princess. She went with her best friend and her dad, so they had a ball. I think, from what Shawn told me, that Hollie and her friend danced more together, than they did with their own dad's. But, Shawn did tell me that they did the Chicken Dance together. Oh, I wish I could have seen that... Shawn will load the pictures later today. They're really cute! While they were gone, it felt good to get out for a little bit on my own. I went to Burger King and got a chicken sandwich, which I had been craving. And then, went to Mardels to get a gift, and some more music. It just felt good to take my time shopping around, and not worry about Hollie picking up things she shouldn't pick up, or ask me if she can have something, just because she saw it. I was on my own schedule, and it just felt good.

That's about it for me. Again, thank you to EVERYONE who has reached out to us and given their love and support. It just feels so good to know that we're not alone.

Love, Stephanie